10 Ways White Parents Can Show Up for Their Black and Brown Kids
1. Learn to see your whiteness.
I used to think I didn’t have a race. That race was something other people had. When you’re white, you often have the privilege of not noticing your whiteness. But your child doesn't have that luxury. Start by noticing what whiteness has made invisible to you. Whiteness isn’t just skin color—it’s a culture of perfectionism, individualism, control, and comfort. Seeing it is the beginning of shifting it.
2. Listen to Black voices without needing to add your own.
Subscribe to podcasts like Code Switch (NPR), What Now? (Trevor Noah), Pod Save the People (DeRay Mckesson), or Seeing White (Scene on Radio). Read anti-racist books by Ijeoma Oluo, Layla Saad, and Resmaa Menakem, Nova Reid, Ibram X. Kendi and so many more. Google ideas on Black thinkers to follow on social media. Sit with what you hear. Resist the urge to center yourself. Let their words work on you.
3. Tell your kids the truth.
Black and Brown kids know when something’s off. They feel the difference between what society says and how it treats them. Don’t gaslight them. Don’t sugarcoat racism. Tell them what’s real in age-appropriate ways. Show them they’re not crazy—they’re correct. And you’re in it with them.
4. Stop trying to be the good white parent.
You’ll make mistakes. You’ll say the wrong thing. That’s okay. This isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real, being accountable, and staying in the work. When your kid sees you own your missteps, they learn courage, not performance.
5. Normalize therapy, healing, and asking for help.
Your child may carry wounds that began generations ago. Your family may carry wounds, too. Healing isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a commitment to growth. Find culturally competent therapists. Support your child’s full humanity by modeling your own healing.
6. Make joy and rest part of your resistance.
Black joy is revolutionary. So is Black rest. Create space for your kids to laugh, play, dance, nap, and dream. Don't let your home become all about struggle. Resistance isn’t just what we fight—it’s what we protect. Let joy be sacred.
7. Learn how race impacts mental health—and advocate fiercely.
My child was treated differently in therapy than white kids were. I had to fight for providers who saw his full humanity. Be ready. Many systems—including mental health—weren’t built for our kids. Do the research. Ask hard questions. Refuse to settle.
8. Let your kids teach you.
They have wisdom you don’t. My kids’ intuition, perspective, and pain woke me up. They weren’t just my children—they were my greatest teachers. Your job isn’t to lead from above. It’s to walk beside them with humility and fierce love.
9. Surround your family with mirrors, not just windows.
Your child needs to see themselves reflected—in books, movies, teachers, doctors, dolls, leaders. Don’t make them look through white windows their whole life. Prioritize representation. Choose schools and spaces where they’re not the only one.
10. Do your own work. Don’t put it on your child.
This is your work to do—not theirs to explain. If your child is old enough to experience racism, you’re old enough to face your whiteness. Get a coach. Join a group. Read the books. Stay in the room when it gets uncomfortable. You can’t protect your child from racism, but you can stop adding to it.
This journey isn’t about shame. It’s about liberation. For you. For your child. For all of us.
You won’t do it perfectly. But you can do it lovingly. And bravely. And that will change everything. I'm here for you.
xox
Marion Van Namen
Founder, White Awake Parenting
