Reflections in Real Time

Even thinking of yourself as a “rescuer” assumes someone else needed saving.

That someone else had misfortune. That you’re offering them something they didn’t have.

And the heartbreaking part is - your children feel that imbalance, even if they don't yet have the words for it.

They life in a worl...

When my twins were toddlers, I remember being called out about their hair.

Strangers—Black strangers—would approach me in the grocery store or at the park with comments that, at the time, I interpreted as criticism.

“You’ve got to moisturize their hair.”
“Whew, they’re dry, mama.”

In my head, I w...

I’ve learned there are two kinds of pain:
The pain you expect, and the pain that catches you off guard.

The pain I expected? Sleepless nights. Toddler tantrums. The challenge of parenting children with trauma-impacted nervous systems.

The pain I didn’t expect?

That came from family.

The Obitua...

When my children were toddlers, I remember a moment in the grocery store—an older Black woman looked at my kids and said something about their hair. She was kind and gentle but I was taken aback. Defensive. Embarrassed.

Inside, I thought, Why are you criticizing me? I was doing my best. At the time...