Why I Started White Awake Parenting: A Journey From Fear to Fierce Love
Jun 04, 2025When my beautiful, Black children came to me through adoption, I thought love was enough. But very quickly, I realized it wasn’t. Not in a country still deeply scarred by racism, systemic injustice, and unequal power.
If we white parents don’t do the work — if we don’t face our own whiteness, unlearn racism, and prepare ourselves to protect and advocate for our Black and Brown children — we are putting their lives in danger. Plain and simple.
This is not fear-mongering. It’s the harsh truth. Black and Brown children face disproportionate risks every single day — from school discipline to healthcare disparities, from racial profiling to police violence. The statistics are stark: Black babies die at twice the rate of white babies. Black people are sentenced six times longer than white people for the same crimes. And Black youth face a lifetime of systemic barriers that white kids never have to think about.
When my children were seven, we attended a summer camp for adoptees of color and their families. I was terrified to expose them to conversations about racism and police brutality at such a young age. But I learned quickly that not talking about these realities would only leave them unprepared — and unsafe.
That week changed everything. It forced me to look at my own whiteness honestly — all the denial, defensiveness, and internalized beliefs I carried. It made me realize that love without action isn’t enough. I had to step up, educate myself, and become a fierce advocate for my children in a world that tries to erase them.
I also learned about the importance of building relationships — with my children’s birth mother, whose life has been marked by generational trauma caused by centuries of racial oppression. Meeting her was humbling and transformative. She trusted me — a white woman — with her children’s lives. That trust is sacred, and it fuels my mission every day.
My own family’s struggle to fully accept my children, contrasted with the birth family’s deep love and appreciation, showed me how much work is needed inside white families and communities. My family kept my children's names off my father's obituary, while my children's birth family never questions whether I'm my kids real mother. The silence, the denial, the exclusion — these hurt our children and reinforce the systems we must dismantle.
White Awake Parenting exists because too many white parents don’t realize how high the stakes are. We must do the inner work to confront our biases, to prepare for uncomfortable conversations, and to advocate fiercely for our children’s safety, dignity, and belonging.
If we don’t, we risk their safety — emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
This isn’t just parenting. It’s a call to courage. It’s a call to justice. It’s a call to love that looks beyond comfort and convenience.
Because if we love our Black and Brown children — really love them — then we must face our whiteness head-on. We must do this work. Their lives depend on it.
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