"OK Boomer, Pass the Hair Cream" - Generational Whiteness and Raising Kids of Color

Raising children of color as a white parent is a beautiful, soul-stretching journey. And depending on what generation you're part of, your starting point might be very different — from “colorblind” ideals to TikTok-level racial analysis. Let’s have some fun unpacking how Boomers, Gen Xers, Millennials, and even some Gen Z parents are navigating race, identity, and parenting — all while holding up a mirror to our own whiteness.

(Heads up: if you're feeling called out, you’re not alone. I called myself out in every paragraph.)

Boomers: “We raised you to treat everyone the same.”

Ah, the Baby Boomers. They marched in the Civil Rights Movement… or at least they watched it on TV and felt strongly about it. When it comes to race, many Boomer white parents lean heavily on the “we don’t see color” approach. It came from good intentions — but it didn’t age well.

When raising children of color, Boomer parents might proudly say, “We just love our grandbaby. We don’t think of them as Black or brown — they’re just our baby.”
Which is sweet… and also completely erases a crucial part of their child’s identity.

Hair care? Often outsourced to “the nice lady at the salon.” Cultural connection? Maybe a Maya Angelou poem in February. Conversations about police brutality? Not if the grandkids are in the room.

But to their credit, some Boomers are learning — slowly, humbly, and often with their adult children rolling their eyes. One recently told me, “I’m reading White Fragility. I don’t understand it, but I am reading it.”

Baby steps, y’all. Baby steps.

Gen X: “I see the problem. I’m just too tired.”

Gen X parents — also known as the “latchkey generation” — grew up suspicious of institutions, allergic to groupthink, and too cool to try too hard. When it comes to race, many Gen Xers want to do better. They’ve read Baldwin. They’ve attended a DEI workshop or two. They might even throw around terms like “systemic racism” or “intersectionality” while packing lunches.

But between jobs, homework battles, and trying to teach their kids to be proud and safe in a world that’s not always kind to them — Gen Xers can find themselves paralyzed.

This generation often swings between over-explaining (“Sweetie, the reason that man followed you around the store is rooted in the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850…”) and awkward silence when their kid asks, “Why don’t I look like you, Mom?”

Hair care? They’ve watched YouTube tutorials.
Cultural connection? They’ve got James Baldwin quotes on fridge magnets.
But that white guilt? Still very much alive and kicking.

Gen X has the right instincts — they just need a nap, some community, and a reminder that perfection isn’t the goal. Showing up with love and humility is.

Millennials: “We made an Instagram carousel about it.”

Millennial white parents are a fascinating breed. Fueled by podcasts, personal therapy, and endless Instagram reels, they’re the first generation to widely say, “My whiteness is part of the problem. And I’m committed to doing better.”

These are the parents raising their kids on books like Antiracist Baby, giving them affirmations every morning (“You are strong! You are powerful! Your Blackness is beautiful!”), and making sure the doll collection has every shade of melanin.

But sometimes Millennials fall into what I like to call the performative perfection trap. They’re so eager not to mess up that they become paralyzed by every decision:

• “Should I send my daughter to a mostly white school with a strong arts program or the more diverse school with fewer resources?”

• “Is it OK to do a Juneteenth post, or will I seem performative?”

• “Is my playlist too white???”

They overthink, over-process, and over-apologize. But they are doing the work. They know their kids are watching, and they want to model both accountability and joy.

Now if only they could remember to actually listen to Black voices instead of just quoting them in a caption.

Gen Z Parents: “I’m already embarrassed by my whiteness. And I just got here.”

Yes, Gen Z parents are still emerging — but they’re already schooling us all. They’ve grown up watching uprisings on social media. They say things like “decolonize your bookshelf” with a straight face. And they’re fluent in racial justice lingo by the time they hit 22.

Many Gen Z white parents are hyper-aware of their privilege and are already raising their toddlers with language like “cultural appropriation,” “restorative justice,” and “transracial trauma.”

They’re the ones making TikToks while detangling curls and fact-checking their Boomer parents at Thanksgiving. They’re also the ones telling their preschoolers things like, “Sweetie, we don’t touch people’s hair without consent — that includes the stuffed animals.”

Bless them. And may they never lose their fire.
But also, a little grace goes a long way. It’s OK not to get it right all the time. No movement ever succeeded on cancel culture alone.

So where does that leave us?

Whether you’re a Boomer who’s just starting to notice how whiteness shaped your parenting, a Gen X-er unlearning the colorblind scripts, a Millennial over-apologizing at school pick-up, or a Gen Z-er ready to dismantle the whole system before naptime — you’re in this conversation for a reason.

You love your kids.
You want them to thrive.
And you’re realizing that part of raising them well means reckoning with your own race, your own story, and your own place in a system that wasn’t built for them — but still shapes them every day.

So let’s laugh at ourselves, learn from each other, and keep showing up.

Imperfectly. Courageously. Together.

Want support on the journey?
I coach white parents raising kids of color. We untangle guilt, build resilience, and reconnect you to your own power — all while centering your children’s dignity and joy.

Schedule a free consult here. Because raising antiracist kids starts with our own transformation.

Marion Van Namen

Founder, White Awake Parenting