How to Pick the Right Coach (Especially When the Work Runs Deep)
Jun 01, 2025Let’s be honest: the world is full of coaches. Life coaches. Parent coaches. Trauma coaches. Mindset coaches. Nervous system coaches. (Guilty—I’ve worked with several.)
So how do you know who’s right for you—especially when your life includes adoption, trauma, grief, race, identity, and the messy journey of parenting?
Let me offer what I’ve learned. And I’ve learned a lot—not just from being a coach myself, but from being coached through some of the most raw, tender, and pivotal moments of my life.
1. Connection is Everything
You might think credentials are the most important thing. But here’s the truth: the connection between you and your coach matters more than anything on their resume.
Do you feel seen? Heard? Do you walk away from sessions feeling empowered, not analyzed?
I once worked with a coach who simply got me. She never looked down on me for my struggles—she just stood beside me, reminding me of the woman I was becoming. And somehow, that reminder helped me parent with more grace. She didn’t fix me. She didn’t give me a list of shoulds. She just held space for me to see myself clearly.
That’s gold.
2. Look for a Coach Who Builds, Not Just Breaks Down
So much of my growth has come from working with coaches who helped me envision the future, not just dissect the past. Yes, trauma is real. Generational wounds are real. Tantrums in the living room are definitely real.
But the best coaches I’ve worked with didn’t focus on what I wanted to fight—they helped me get clear on what I wanted to create.
They helped me hold a vision for my kids, my family, my own growth. And when I got discouraged or knocked down, they helped me return to that vision—again and again.
That’s what I aim to do now as a coach. Not because it’s trendy, but because I know how essential it is to orient toward what’s possible. I believe in being pro-something. Pro-healing. Pro-connection. Pro-future.
3. Choose a Coach Who Helps You Observe, Not Overreact
Want to know something wild?
I used to lose my mind when a lamp went flying across the room. Now? I barely flinch.
That shift didn’t happen overnight. It happened because coaching taught me to be an observer rather than a reactor. I learned to notice: What’s going on here, underneath the chaos? What needs attention? What is going well?
This isn’t about ignoring bad behavior or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about seeing the whole picture with more clarity—and more compassion.
A good coach won’t just help you “fix” things. They’ll help you see things differently. They’ll help you zoom out, pause, breathe, and respond in ways that match the parent—and person—you want to be.
4. A Coach Who Values Your Voice
I’ve had enough of being told what to do.
The right coach will collaborate with you, not direct you like a puppet. You want someone who listens deeply to what you care about—what matters to you and your family. A coach who says, “Let’s build from here,” rather than “Here’s what you’re doing wrong.”
I’ve worked with a few coaches who changed my life by asking the right questions, not giving the right answers. That’s what I try to offer my clients too.
5. Find a Coach Who Knows the Emotional Journey
I’ve attended countless support group meetings hosted by NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I sat in those circles with other parents trying to make sense of the fear, grief, and confusion that come with raising a child struggling with mental illness.
What I’ve learned from those rooms is that most of us walk through three major emotional phases:
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The Need for Comfort – When everything feels overwhelming, the first need is simply to be comforted. To be told you’re not alone. That your love is enough, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
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The Right to Feel Anger – Next comes the wave of anger and disappointment. “Why is this happening? What did I do wrong?” A good coach (or support group) gives you space to let those feelings move through without shame.
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The Call to Advocacy – Once acceptance begins to settle in, something powerful happens: you realize you have a voice. You become an advocate—for your child, for your family, and for yourself. That’s where I love coaching parents the most—when they’re ready to turn pain into purpose.
When I coach, I carry all of that with me. I’ve lived it. I’ve wept through it. And I’ve come out the other side, still growing, still learning.
So find a coach who can honor where you are—whether you’re curled on the couch needing comfort or standing tall, ready to speak truth to systems that have failed your child.
One Last Thing
This work is tender. It’s layered. It touches on race, identity, privilege, trauma, and the love we have for our kids that goes beyond words.
So find someone who feels safe. Someone who stretches you. Someone who helps you move toward the family you dream of—not by bypassing the hard stuff, but by loving you through it.
You deserve that kind of coach.
And your kids deserve the version of you that coaching can unlock.
If you're ready, I would be honored to walk by your side in 1:1 coaching. Together, we can navigate this complex journey with compassion, clarity and courage - helping you create the family and life you envision.
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