When We Parent with Unexamined Bias, We Burden Our Children
Jun 13, 2025You love your children deeply. You're doing your best to raise them with care, intention and heart. And yes - adopting or raising children of color has changed you in profound ways. But love alone doesn't erase the deeper patterns we've inherited. And when we parent with unexamined bias, our children often carry the cost.
The Bias We Inherit
We don’t mean to carry it, but we do.
From our families.
From our education.
From our media.
From our silence.
It shows up in the rules we enforce.
In how we interpret our kids' tone.
In what we call “respect.”
In who we trust—and who we fear.
Sometimes it’s in the side-eye at the sagging jeans, the tightness in our chest when our kid takes too long in a store, or the defensiveness when they tell us: “You don’t get it.”
And they’re right. If we haven’t done our own work—we don’t.
Our Kids Carry the Consequences
When we don’t examine our bias, we leave our children to carry the weight.
The burden of explaining.
Of shrinking.
Of code-switching.
Of performing to make us comfortable.
They already navigate a world that questions their worth. They shouldn’t have to do the same in their own homes.
But when we react out of fear, try to “fix” them, silence their anger, or treat them like they’re “too much” or “not enough”—we become the world.
The very world we promised to protect them from.
We Can Change That
This is not a call-out. It’s a call in.
Because I’ve done this. I’ve stumbled. I’ve said things I wish I could take back. I’ve interpreted my child’s actions through a white lens—then seen the hurt in their eyes.
And I’ve learned: the most powerful gift I can give my children is not my perfection, but my willingness to grow.
To unpack what I’ve been taught.
To listen deeply.
To apologize.
To build trust.
To choose courage over comfort, again and again.
Let’s Lighten Their Load
When we do the inner work of examining our biases—when we recognize how white supremacy has shaped our thinking—we lift some of the weight from our children’s shoulders.
We teach them they are not the problem.
We show them they don’t have to contort themselves to fit into our image of a “good” kid.
We let them be whole.
That’s what love looks like.
Not colorblindness.
Not defensiveness.
Not control.
But real, liberating love.
The kind that says: I see you. I hear you. I will not stop learning how to love you better.
And that… changes everything.
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Where might your own unexamined biases be showing up in your parenting?
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What’s one moment you can revisit—with more compassion, more curiosity, or a different lens?
Write it down. Sit with it. No judgment—just honesty. That’s where change begins.
A Note from Marion
If this stirred something in you—good. That discomfort is sacred. It’s the signal that you’re ready for something deeper.
I support white parents who are raising children of color and are ready to do the real inner work. If you want someone to walk alongside you with honesty, compassion, and lived experience—I’m here.
👉 Schedule a free consultation with me here.
Let’s raise our kids with less shame and more freedom—for them, and for us.
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