Even thinking of yourself as a “rescuer” assumes someone else needed saving.

That someone else had misfortune. That you’re offering them something they didn’t have.

And the heartbreaking part is - your children feel that imbalance, even if they don't yet have the words for it.

They life in a worl...

When my twins were toddlers, I remember being called out about their hair.

Strangers—Black strangers—would approach me in the grocery store or at the park with comments that, at the time, I interpreted as criticism.

“You’ve got to moisturize their hair.”
“Whew, they’re dry, mama.”

In my head, I w...

I was born and raised in the Netherlands—in a white bubble.

A bubble where I learned history as it was written by the victor. I didn’t know to question it. The textbooks told clean stories of explorers and progress, and I memorized the facts that helped me pass the test.

But the deeper truth?
Thos...

I’ve learned there are two kinds of pain:
The pain you expect, and the pain that catches you off guard.

The pain I expected? Sleepless nights. Toddler tantrums. The challenge of parenting children with trauma-impacted nervous systems.

The pain I didn’t expect?

That came from family.

The Obitua...

When my children were toddlers, I remember a moment in the grocery store—an older Black woman looked at my kids and said something about their hair. She was kind and gentle but I was taken aback. Defensive. Embarrassed.

Inside, I thought, Why are you criticizing me? I was doing my best. At the time...

I remember the first time I noticed it.
We walked into a store, and I smiled politely at the clerk. My kids were with me—beautiful, radiant, curious.
No one greeted them. No one made eye contact.

I was offered help. They were not.

At first, I thought maybe I was imagining it. I told myself, “It’s ...

I’ll never forget the moment I got the call.

“Congratulations—you’re a mom!”
I gasped.
“Of twins.”
I gasped again.

It felt like my entire life shifted in a blink. Just like that, I went from wondering if adoption was really happening to knowing with every fiber of my being that it already had.

Bu...